How can you tell a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a one hundred-dollar bill on the ground. Which one gets it? The old drunk, of course, since the other three don't exist.
News Flash! The Postal Service was recently forced to recall its new stamp issue. Lawyers were part of the design and the public couldn't figure out which side of the stamp to spit on.
A man calls a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies, very matter-of-factly, "A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive, isn't it?"
"It is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearky gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
To the lawyer's surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I certainly don't mind all of this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
When I was in law school, I had a legal skills professor who kicked off every class with a lawyer joke. He said he was trying to prepare us for the constant ribbing we would take out in the real world after we passed the bar.
Here's one of my all-time favorites: "What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road. There are skid marks leading up to the dog."
Isn't that horrible?! But it's worth noting that all of those lawyer jokes out there are mostly geared toward personal injury attorneys...not elder law attorneys!
