So here we are at the end of another long week (well, technically it was short, but it still felt long for some reason) and I would like to leave you with another nasty lawyer joke...
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a slimy, scum-sucking, bottom-dwelling scavenger. The other is just a fish.
A man dies and goes directly to Hell. While he is milling around, he spots another man who he recognizes as a lawyer, and the lawyer is snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
"That's totally unfair!" he protests to the Devil. "I have to burin in Hell for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman!"
"Silence!" barks the Devil, jabbing with his pitchform. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?!"
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearky gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
To the lawyer's surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I certainly don't mind all of this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee does not get paid more for a longer fight!
What is the difference between jumping on a trampoline and jumping on a lawyer?
You take your shoes off before you jump on the trampoline.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
How about we kick the week off with a good laugh...
What is black and tan and looks great on a lawyer?
A Doberman Pinscher.
I like this one a lot:
The American Bar Association is holding their annual convention at Madison Square Garden and most of the country's attorneys are there. Terrorists take over the building and they are holding everyone inside hostage. After the military and FBI show up, the terrorists contact them and give them a list of their demands. And then comes their dreaded ultimatum...they will release one hostage for every hour that their demands are not met.
That's it. Did you get that punchline? You may have to read it again...
When I was in law school, I had a legal skills professor who kicked off every class with a lawyer joke. He said he was trying to prepare us for the constant ribbing we would take out in the real world after we passed the bar.
Here's one of my all-time favorites: "What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road. There are skid marks leading up to the dog."
Isn't that horrible?! But it's worth noting that all of those lawyer jokes out there are mostly geared toward personal injury attorneys...not elder law attorneys!
