A man came across a striking brass rat in an antique store and decided it would look great on his desk. He paid $100 for it but was surprised when the store owner told him it was non-returnable. He said, "It's been returned twice already and I don't want to see it again."
Upon leaving the store, the man saw a couple of rats scurrying around the corner and several more were near his car. As he drove, hundreds of rats appeared from the gutters and side streets until he was nearly overwhelmed. In a panic, he threw the brass rat over the bridge railing into a river while the army of rats followed it into the depths.
The man hurried back to the store, but the owner cut him short saying, "Look, I told you there would be no returns."
The man quickly replied, "Oh no, that's fine. I was just wondering if you had a brass lawyer."
How can you tell a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a one hundred-dollar bill on the ground. Which one gets it? The old drunk, of course, since the other three don't exist.
News Flash! The Postal Service was recently forced to recall its new stamp issue. Lawyers were part of the design and the public couldn't figure out which side of the stamp to spit on.
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearky gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
To the lawyer's surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I certainly don't mind all of this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"